The Pastor's Ass

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and
                                It won..
                The pastor was so pleased with the donkey
                        That he entered it in the
                     Race Again, and it won again...

                          The local paper read:

                                PASTOR'S
                             ASS OUT FRONT.

                 The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
                        Publicity that he ordered
                                   The
             Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

                   The next day, the local paper headline
                                  Read:

                                 BISHOP
                                SCRATCHES
                                PASTOR'S
                                  ASS.

                  This was too much for the bishop, so he
                        Ordered the pastor to get
                                   Rid
                             Of the donkey.


                The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a
                             Nearby convent.

               The local paper, hearing of the news, posted
                         The following headline
                                   The
                                Next day:

                        NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

                           The bishop fainted.

                He informed the nun that she would have to
                      Get rid of the donkey, so she
                        Sold it to a farmer for $10.

                        The next day the paper read:

                                    NUN
                           SELLS ASS FOR $10.

                  This was too much for the bishop, so he
                       Ordered the nun to buy back
                                   The
           Donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run
                                 Wild..
                     The next day the headlines read:

                 NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

                    The bishop was buried the next day.
                  The moral of the story is . .... Being
                     Concerned about public opinion
                 Can bring you much grief and misery . .
                         Even shorten your life.


                      So be yourself and enjoy life.

                Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and
                         You'll be a lot happier
                                   And
                              Live longer!

What Are Hell and Heaven Like

A Holy man was having a conversation
With the Lord one day and said,
'Lord, I would like to know what
Heaven and Hell are like.'

The Lord led the holy man to two
Doors.

He opened one of the doors and the
Holy man looked in. In the middle of
The room was a large round table. In
The middle of the table was a large pot
Of stew, which smelled delicious and
Made the holy man's mouth water.
The people sitting around the table
Were thin and sickly. They appeared to
Be famished. They were holding
Spoons with very long handles that
Were strapped to their arms and each
Found it possible to reach into the pot
Of stew and take a spoonful.
But because the handle was longer
Than their arms, they could not get the
Spoons back into their mouths.
The holy man shuddered at the sight
Of their misery and suffering.
The Lord said, 'You have seen Hell.'

They went to the next room and
Opened the door. It was exactly the
Same as the first one. There was the
Large round table with the large pot of
Stew which made the holy man's mouth
Water. The people were equipped with
The same long-handled spoons, but here
The people were well nourished and
Plump, laughing and talking. The holy man  

Said, 'I don't understand.'
'It is simple,' said the Lord.
'It requires but one skill. You see,
They have learned to feed each
Other, while the greedy think only
Of themselves.'
When Jesus died on the cross, He was
Thinking of you.

Banking in Toronto, Newfie Style

A Newfie  walked into a bank in Toronto and  asked for the loans officer. He told the loans  officer that he was going to Newfoundland  on business for two weeks and needed to borrow  $5,000, however he was not a depositor of the bank. The bank officer told him that the bank  would need some form of security for the loan,  so the Newfie handed over the keys to a new  Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in  front of the bank.  The Newfie produced the  title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for  the loan and apologized for having to charge 12%  interest.

Later, the bank's president  and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Newfie for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the  bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's  underground garage and parked it. Two weeks  later, the Newfie returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer  said, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your  business, and this transaction has worked out  very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While  you were away, we checked you out and found that  you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is,  why would you bother to borrow $5,000?'


The  Newfie replied: 'Where else in Toronto can I  park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and  expect it to be there when I return?'

Ah, Newfies...... See! Salt Beef is good for the brain.   

Welcome Jessica!

Baby Jessica was born this morning in Grand Falls-Windsor, Newfoundland.  Mommy Charleen (Charly) and Daddy Cordell should be very proud she is beautiful.

She was 8lbs 9.5oz and 20.75inches long.  At this point, she doesn't have a middle name yet, but I'm sure that will come when Charly and Cordell have some time to think about it.

Cody's 8!

I made Cody's cake too this year.  You can't really tell from the picture, but it has green sprinkles and green candles. (Cody chose those, I would've put white candles!)

Cody hid his face everytime I tried to take a picture of him, but at least in this one, we won't forget how old he was.

Opening presents surrounded by his siblings and cousins!